Summer of the inconvenient nourish

You welcomed me that summer with a cup of tea
Running a bath for me with soothing herbs
While I bathed you prepared a bowl of grain & veggie 
It felt like the macrobiotic meal would heal me 
Inside to out 
And the bath would heal me 
Outside to in 
You set to nourish me
Instinctually knowing to feed my body since my soul was inside out

Your usual hostess skills were set aside 
To allow for my spillage
I don't remember coming out of the room
I remember you bringing food up to us
Like room service
Hill Country B&B
Was it even on a tray? 
Squeezing in a tiny bit of nourishment 
Under the crack of the door 
Like nurturing anything you could possibly reach
In such a situation 

Big mason jar filled
With superfoods
Powering my body with nutrients 
Because you knew you couldn't do a thing for my heart 
On your couch that summer 
Crying while children played outside 
Broken foot on trampoline 
Before you left on a Summer cruise 
I watched you pack travel size healthy snacks
And enjoyed the solitude of your home 
When you were gone

Can I tell you what I think about?
Eating your crackers, even though I replaced them
Ruining your comforter by leaving it in the wash
My daughter eating all of your nutella 
Staining your blanket
Breaking your AC
Bringing your trip to an early end
Medical billing harassing you
It is hard not to feel like an inconvenience 

I was so 
Unloveable
Thank you for loving me