Bile and Tears

if I had collected my tears 
these 21 years
tears shed by hurt you caused
I could fill a bucket
and that bucket emptied out 
many times over
could fill this room 
and this room filled many times 
could fill an ocean

If I could open my mouth 
Spitting out toxic bile 
poured into me by words you have spoken
It would fill another bucket 
then that bucket emptied out 
would fill every house we ever lived in together

is it any wonder I feel like this now
look around at this 
spend the last breath that I will actually listen to 
telling me that it was my fault
I am finished crying 
finished taking the toxic sludge in

There is nothing about what we had together that I would recognize as love
It was all bile and tears