The Promise Land & the place called Portend

What I wanted
Since I was a child
A place named 'promise'
A safe place
Where all needs are met with abundance
No more pushing around
Slander silenced as you enter 
Insults become vapor 
Drowned out by dripping honey, sweet

In longing for this 'promise' land 
Childishly, I created another place
Called 'portend' 
I created a place where the last drop of honey was used 
To glue together the bits 
Left over
Making the best of it 
Never enough

Because I longed for safety and home 
And because I gave it an effort 
Are you saying I deserve less than a promise? 
You said you loved me

You felt me yearning 
Yes, it wasn't for you 
So you let me wander 
let me 'try'

I wanted nothing more than safety 
You left me in the stickiness
To figure it out
Couldn't you have told me it wasn't worth my time? 
Spared pain times pain? 
That is not your way
Well, what is your way? 

You build into us a deep hunger 
An instinct for the plan we have lost 
But then you let our instincts evolve to cope
And you call that coping sin nature
Or is that what I call it?  
I might have deep intuition 
But I am deeply at a loss

Show me the promised land 
I have walked out of portend
Into the strong tide of desert dune
The sandy pull of a heart broken 
Please do not leave me here